I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
