im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
