Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
