you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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