I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
