I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
