You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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