You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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