she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
