next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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