i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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