My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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