butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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