I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We just shotgunned beers for America
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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