she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
