Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
