lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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