We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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