Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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