I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
