Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
