Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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