Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
