its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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