____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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