She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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