I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
