But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
