i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
whose parrot is this?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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