I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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