Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
