apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
