you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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