your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
