I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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