well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
