when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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