i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize