Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
