Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
