i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
