This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
