i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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