Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
