I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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