and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
