Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
