I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
