I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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