i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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