I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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