Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
