If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
