I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
