dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
