It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
