Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
