Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
