im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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