i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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