If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize