i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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