i permit you to call me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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