Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
