Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
