GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
