The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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