Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
whose parrot is this?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
