How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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