I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
