So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
