I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize