Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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