A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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