What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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