i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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