forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
