This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
