So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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