Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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